Parenting

Prafulla Kumar Mohanty

Gone are the days when children were considered the gifts of God. In India a one (or two) norm is followed by most educated couples suo motto. The poor and the people, who think more is merrier, go in for four or more. India is gradually becoming an affluent and workaholic society and people pursue their careers with keen concentration: producing children is no more a passionate pastime. But the problem which has now grown into nightmarish proportions is rearing the children, their upbringing, schooling and releasing them into the larger world to flap their own wings to seek their own goals.

The spouses work in their respective fields and each one lives in a different competitive world. They hardly find time to give quality time to the child(ren). The rich employ aayas and caretakers to look after the children. The children listen to strange hired voices between the good morning good night of the parents. In most cases a combative antipathy grows in the children who are lovelorn. The middle class children too are often deprived of parental love as both parents work. They do not grow under the loving care of their parents. As they go to school they see boys and girls alighting from expensive chauffeur driven cars with rich food in tiffin boxes, expensive mobile phones, pens and wads of pocket money. The boys and girls within the uniforms are temperamentally of a stubborn bohemianism. In certain cities they smoke marijuana or take drugs from the peddlers who sell addiction with impunity under protection of cynical bribable police. The Indian middle class is growing in size and the income packets too are growing phenomenally. To give all the luxuries available in today’s gadget crazy world the parents never hesitate. Those who cannot afford readily, often compelled by their stubborn lone child’s zealous craving take bank loans which are readily available to boost business in a consumer society. Rich parents give overfond gifts like BMWs or Mercedes in overbearing parties in seven star hotels. The eleven /twelve year old boys drive such cars in overcrowded cities at top speed under the influence of alcohol. The parents spend millions to save their errant kids from prison bars on high priced lawyers and move heaven and earth in political circles to protect their own overpowering love for their kids. If you ask them why did you allow your boys to go to clubs and bars till late night? They will keep mum with their head downcast: For they have no answer. These people have no time to wait for their children at home after the school hours. They themselves return home, if at all, inebriated in the wee hours of the morning spending time in the arms of social climbers or in the company of foreign business guests entertaining them for their own business interests. Their wives all dolled up visit their friends or spend a kitty night pegged up and pampered. They too never have time for their children. These people think parenting means giving all the luxuries to their lone kids and sending them to reputed schools in India or abroad. These people escape responsibility in spoiling their children. This is not necessarily an expression of love. This is a social cover up for their overindulgent ways of life.

The boys and girls often feel a sort of loneliness which later in their lives makes them aggressive in whatever they do. But the problem is not simple and the solution is not easy. The ordinary middle class parents especially the first or second generation professionals do come up in life the hard way. They know how difficult it is to enter the rat race and the competition. They pay special attention to their children. Make them work hard and teach them how to use the available and affordable comforts diligently. Even with parental care at times the children demand things which the parents cannot afford under demonstration effect. This can be avoided by parental advice backed up by their own demeanors .

The home- work place management is not an insurmountable problem. Working parents can manage both home and workplace by adhering to principles acceptable both at home and society. In an aspirational society like ours children are ambitious and that should be admired and encouraged. Lavishing tokens of love is welcome but parents must choose between ostentation and austerity. Moreover strict discipline and moral preaching must be avoided. Let the children grow with freedom under the benign care of loving parents. The parents must live a life which the children will emulate without pressure. Parents must be admired by the children: This the parents alone can ensure by living such lives.