The Road Ends?

I don't know how long

I have been walking

in aimless freedom

reaching nowhere.

I always thought

I had a point to reach

and that is the midpoint

between hope and frustration

to choose my own course

without wandering and wavering

to achieve something to redeem

my birth's pledge, unwritten though.

 

But I didn't know how to achieve it

I tried an NGO

but was disappointed

I tried through my family

I was denied freedom

I am trying through my writing

I don't know

whether I could reach my goal.

 

The weight of time on my bones

on my frayed nerves is

now aching heavy

no one caresses my pain and hurt

and I wait for no one to call me

for a midwinter dream

away from paths and goals;

I did not respond to when the call came

I have none to blame.

 

Ladles I held, syringes I held

nursed patient in hospitals

visited destitute homes

trying to bring them to normal life

wrote volumes communicated

my feelings in magical words,

no no not magical but authentic:

But when the world is asleep

what could I do save

walking aimless in deserted streets?

 

Now I am everywhere

sitting in my study room

is there any road left for me.

Sabita Sahu

DRAUPADI -53

Prafulla Kumar Mohanty's 

DRAUPADI - 53 

The moment Vidura left

apparently worried which

Draupadi saw in his forced smile:

Draupadi asked, how could you agree

for a dice game in Hastinapur?

I admit it is a ritual in Rajasuya

but in your own palace as a formality

to establish noble vibes and moral power.

The Vedic belief has perpetuated this

in the Rajasuya but have you forgotten

what Krishna said when the proposal

came from the Kuru princes and

how he evaded it and dissuaded you

quoting what the crest jewel of sages

the wise Vyasa had predicted about you:

that you, Yes my husband, you Yudhistira

shall be the cause of the extinction

of the Khsatryas after thirteen years.

 

Bhima interjected, is there any

guarantee you will win, if you lose

you can imagine the consequences.

Arjuna said the fickle dice has never

faced up prosperity or peace

it leads to war and ruin: Enough

Yudhistira almost shouted, leave me

I cannot dishonour father Dhritarastra.

He has invited us with filial love

moreover I am a king I cannot

reject the invitation of a king

who is our father, a figure we grew up with

now go and prepare for the visit.

 

The brothers went severally, Yudhistira

fastwalked his conflict to his room

Draupadi stood hesitant for a while

then walked heavy footed to her chamber.

 

Draupadi was restless in the bed.

How could he agree, Vidura

himself was not pleased when

Yudhistira said yes he accepted

the invitation for the dice game.

Vidura's eyes paled in disappointment,

his smile was not organic,

his words, towards the end lacked vigour

he was pained inside, Draupadi

certainly saw the hurt in his eyes.

Draupadi changed sides, but

she must do something -  what

what can she do to convince

Yudhistira of the hell hole ahead?

Dice means Kali, the zero

the lowest in the scheme of things

Krita, Treta Dwapar and Kali

the dice board has traps

squared for  Kali's mischief.

Yudhistira is so wise and so foolish

to walk into the trap -

What invitation is this? For gambling?

That too in the court the royal

audience clapping the victor and

laughing away the loser? No

she must stop him even if

she incured his wrath. She got up

changed her dress and in  slow

but firm steps moved towards

Yudhistira's chamber wearing a smile.

 

I know why you are here, said Yudhistira.

I know you know why I am here

I am here to remind you of Jatugriha

Have you forgotten that, have you

forgotten the humiliation in the forests?

The dice invitation too is a trap

you are the Emperor of Aryabarta

your glory shines everywhere,

people adore you, pray for your long life: Why?

Because they have faith in your nobility

your sense of justice your equanimity

your love of truth and tireless service.

What will people think when they see you

gambling in another kingdom leaving

Indraprastha to indifferent officials?

 

Come nearer Draupadi sit by my side

think again, you know dice is always

played by the royals, it is form and ritual,

how could I not go when my elder father

invites me through his wise Minister,

my grandfather, how could I insult

them by rejecting such an invitation?

 

I agree the formal logic holds

but should Yudhistira the Dharmaraja

not rise above such ritualistic evil

which has ruined families and kingdoms?

You are so wise how do you not see

the intent behind this dice invitation?

Can you ever trust Duryodhana?

And his mentor director  Shakuni?

What my Sakha Krishna Vasudeva did

by killing Kamsa, Jarasandha and

setting you up as the Emperor would be

smashed by one call of dice.

 You now have the support and loyalty

a hundred  thousand kings respect you

Krishna made the kings free of tyranny

exploitation and fear

vesting all hope on your administration

impartial justice and magnanimity.

But this dice will paint you black

anyone can say the great Yudhistira

cannot make things happen by his judgement

meticulous work and confidence,

he depends on chance, the deceitful dice

to change his fortunes - Stop

cried Yudhistira, don't excite my patience

your words are poisoned, a vituperative

stream of skewed logic to divert

my course: I have given word I cannot

be a break promise moron.

I'll go. You too shall come

sealing your lips with prudence. 

 

Draupadi calmly walked out,  her eyes

darkening with gathering clouds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another Dawn

When the dawn raises

the curtain of night

the scarlet sun shines

for another day's world

to reveal new dimensions of life.

 

The world moves with its motion

some questions remain unsolved

some are buried and some move on.

Yet memories of yesterday's

crane their necks and meet

their fate like the previous night.

 

I wish I had a chance to

relate my dreams, desires and ideas

of my soul and mind where each

dawn would usher a new life

erasing the dumbness.

But here I see the hearts are burning

minds are in fumes

protectors turn destroyers

days and nights are unconnected

where freedom is surrendered

love becomes a business deal

how can my free soul accept this?

I reject to own such a new day

a new world a new life.

Sabita Sahu

 

DRAUPADI - 52

 Prafulla Kumar Mohanty's 

DRAUPADI - 52 

The dull afternoon sun was hazy

lifeless cloudlets in slow motion

made the skyface an ugly brown

Draupadi after supervising  a food camp

in the forest of Ranikhet

rode the chariot to return to the palace.

The guards in full bellied drowsiness

followed eager to reach home by sunset.

Suddenly a wind   arose hissing and swishing

like a gale as though the forest spirits

laughed challenging the empress to take

her chariot above the gushing winds:

stop said Draupadi her long hair

flowing like a wet jet black stream,

her voice almost blown away by the wind

stop, this fury of the wind is mocking us

testing our patience, poor thing doesn't know

it will dissipate in sheer exhaustion

of its own fury running its course.

Enjoy the wind's wrath blessing it

a longer life of purpose benign and

short lived to give more to inflame

our passion to create small joys

out of our infinite miseries.

The wind subsided Draupadi tied her hair

the chariots moved the sun was low

but golden in his farewell stance.

 

The Moya palace rose into the evening sky

as a resplendent tower of  beauty

The lamp design of a flying eagle

with wings of light flapping grace

was seen around kingdoms and villages

as a venerable shrine of majesty

order, justice, discipline and peace

where the high priest was Yudhistira

performing rites of human glory.

 

Draupadi lit the lamps

in her prayer room and sat

in silent contemplation to control

her thoughts to ratify her feelings

for men women in palaces and homes.

Krishna her Sakha appeared before

her shut eyes, she raised automatic

hands in bowed surrender to him

Man, God, Friend for shaping her destiny:

she arose in languid grace

when she heard joyous greetings

in voices of true delight.

 

She came out in a hurry

when Nakul the handsome

met halfway and said Vidura,

our venerable well wisher has come.

You must go and greet him -

Mahatma Vidura has come! O' this

twilight visit portents what

I do not know but the star symmetry

is definitely broken - Well let's see!

She almost ran to Vidura's presence

and bowed to him reverentially

much to the delight of the wise Minister.

Bless you my child may you bring

peace and joy to this intemperate land.

 

Yudhistira asked him about the  king

his father Dhritarastra, Kunti

enquired about Gandhari and Hastinapur

Vidura sighed, I wish I could tell you

heaven's blessings smile on Hastinapur.

The king, the Prince Duryodhana, Gandhari,

all take good care of the people and kingdom

but things are not what they should be:

Now Sir you please refresh yourself.

I will show you your room sir

the other guests, soldiers have

already been taken care of by Nakula

please come, speak to us at dinner.

 

Draupadi served him carefully

prepared items to the Mahamantri

Uncle Vidura, with love and respect.

Her husbands and mother Kunti too

showed their humble respect to please

the sage Vidura whose wisdom and

administrative acumen were famous

his judgment though was always correct

and he never minced words, called

a spade a spade to honour Truth.

 

The Karauvas naturally never liked

his moral uprightness and straight talk,

Vidura was pleased and full, he

almost requested the host to stop:

"Daughter Draupadi", don't overcharge

my age and ability, let there be

some space for water - everyone

laughed and they arose to wash

their hands and retired for the night.

 

Next morning when the Emperor's

court was in session Vidura entered

and was received by Yudhistira gracefully

Vidura sought the Emperor's permission

stood up to narrate the purpose of his visit:

Emperor Yudhistira, Empress Draupadi

the great Pandavas Bhima, Arjuna,

Nakula and Sahadeva, Ministers courtiers

and Kulgurus, Saints and others present here

I am here with the missive of king Dhritarastra

to invite the Emperor for a game of Dice

to further cement our familial friendship,

natural bond and bonhomie to strengthen

our relationship in brotherly bonds, trade

politics and military neutrality for peace.

The king wishes the Emperor, his family

the people of Indraprastha  prosperity

happiness and perpetuity of bloodline.

If Yudhistira accepts our invitation

and comes for a week with family and friends

Dhritarastra, Duryodhana and mother Gandhari

will be gratified playing host to Arayabarta's

greatest emperor and his heroic brothers:

Yudhistira stood up bowed to sage Vidura

and said, I most humbly thank you

and the king our father for this invitation.

What greater pleasure can there be then

visiting our home again for a pleasure trip

also to play dice which is symbolic of

amity strategic friendship and formal joy.

Tell the king our father I accept - May I

Bhima stood up, asked who will play against

Emperor Yudhistira since Dhritarastra has

no sight or vision and where will it be played

for form demands a public game -

Yuvraj Duryodhana will play, said Vidura.

The game shall be played in the Royal Hall

in the presence of Grandfather Bhisma

and all the dignitaries of Hastinapur,

nearby kingdoms, presided over by Dhritarastra.

 

Draupadi fidgeted in her throne

she knew Yudhistira will never say no

to a game of dice but is it prudent -

Arjuna asked, respected sir, Dice

is always played between equals

How can a Prince play with an Emperor?

Duryodhana will play for the king:

Yudhistira assured Uncle Vidura, he and

his family will be at Hastinapur

before the moon wanes next week.

 

 

 

 

Unplanned Journey

We have no choice to make

we come at someone's will

go at someone's will 

no matter what we do 

or choose not to.

 

Those who submit themselves

surrender to the commands

seemingly heard at nightfall

sing dance and play cymbals

in a high on - Marijuana or

something which is pure white

like god's conscience, they betray

their own will and conscience

console themselves - well this is faith.

 

But those like me who ride waves

fly kites at windy skies and

whisper love to video beams

sipping fruit juice never know

what the other peace or joy is

nor do they know the road they take

leads to New York or Beijing:

why should they be conscious of actions

which the mind wills at moments

matching them out of turbulent times?

 

I live, I just am, I think

I do and turn away: Is it not enough

in this journey from the womb to the grave?

Sabita Sahu.

 

DRAUPADI - 51

 Prafulla Kumar Mohanty's 

DRAUPADI - 51 

Hastinapuur

Meantime in Hastinapur

Yuvraj Duryodhan in mad fury

made the palace impassioned, hot.

Rising from singeing embers

of insult which Draupadi's taunts

at his blind fall into illusive waters

in the Moya Palace of the Pandavs

had pierced his heart to make him sink

into self loathing.

Since his return from the Rajasuya

he was a stranger to himself

and his friends advisors confidants

the infamous trio Shakuni:

the Gandhar king whose one and only

aim in life was to avenge his sister's

marriage to blind Dhritarashtra,

not by choice but by Bhisma's power push

Gandhar had to submit in fear.

But Shakuni suppressing his ire

by devious smiles banked on his

crooked dice nursed vengeance with patience.

Karna by a quirk of fate grew up

with foster parents, father being

a charioteer the son wanted to become

a chariot warrior for which he hid

his class identity before Parshuram

to gain his discipleship to learn

from the most powerful war expert.

When during the convocation display

of the royal disciples of Guru Drona

Karna entered to challenge Arjun

Drona's prodigious disciple in archery

he was denied participation for his

caste; Duryodhan had balmed his shame

by declaring him the king of Anga

thereby buying his loyalty forever.

Karna true to his words never

wavered in his allegiance to the Kuru Prince.

Moreover Karna smarted by

Draupadi's insult at her Swayambar

and silently wearing it in his heart

was a part of Duryodhan's coterie.

 

Shakuni found an opportunity

to advance his machinations

after  his Jatugriha and other failures.

He crackled his dice and laughed:

Nephew dear I know how it pains

to see your enemy ride roughshod

over your snobbish virtues nourished

with royal care  and clenched vengefulness.

It was that woman's laugh at your fall

which ignited the suppressed jealousy

which the Pandav pomp and ostentation

had already given us heart burns:

but son shedding lonely  tears and

deflating your nerves is not the way.

You sink further in your agony

and lose all energy to gloomy stupor:

 

There is no other way Uncle save

resignation or suicide to escape

this hell fire in my ribcage.

O my great nephew you wear

a heart of flint fireproof and dark

never shall despondency touch you

when your Mama's dice still sings

the Pandav dirge in variegated rhythms.

Now listen to me pay attention to Mama

this dice in my hand has a mystic charm

obeys my command as the charmed cobra

all soft gold beautiful gives a lush bite

when the master plays the signal tune.

No hiss no fuss just follows the signature:

If I call six or Kali it surfaces.

Like a dolly with elegant purity -

but what has dice to do with me

my doleful soul is sinking and you -

Aha, wait my son, this dice will give

the balm to our wounds and disaster

to Pandavs, their pomp will roll

on helpless dust for you to trample on:

Go my nephew ask your father the King

to invite the Emperor the great Yudhistir

for a game of dice which they avoided

after the Rajasuya deviating from

tradition form and royal practice:

bring Yudhistir to Hastinapur and leave

the rest to mama's skillful hands.

 

But the king the wise Dhitarastra

may not agree for chausar in the court.

The erudite moralist Vidura

may artfully convince the king against it -

Said Karna looking doubtful and sceptical.

Moreover Mama chausar is evil, it may -

No Angaraj, chausar is the battlefield

where Yudhistir will fall face down

with penury and slavery mocking him

and his brothers, Shakuni gloated kissing the dice.

Then rush my nephew make your father

agree to invite Yudhistir and I will

give you everything with these bones

you ever desired and win back

your lost pride by sweet revenge.

I will change the fate of Arayabarta

with my vengeful bones and you and I

shall reign over earth water and sky.

 

 

 

Benign Light

O' light of my soul

burn your brightness

in beauty and honour

to illumine what in me

is dark and banal.

I am a foolish child

without you Mother!

I will die if you

turn away to your world.

 

I always make demands

to get back for a moment only

for my lost days in perdition,

take me to your garden O god

plant me as a tree for shade

I have nothing to gift you

except the unrequited love

and time to nurse you.

 

All  my life I prayed  to hold you

however short the moment may be.

Today I give you all love

maybe joyless, dark

but whatever is left for you

shine on it with your benign light.

Sabita Sahu.