Old Age Home

Prafulla Kumar Mohanty

After visiting an Old Age Home in New Orleans I was quiet for close to an hour. When my hostess noticed the sudden change, she asked: why a pale mist has suddenly settled on your face and body? She was as intelligent as she was beautiful and could guess that my gloom was due to my first exposure to a scene of octogenarians seeking new excitement in their lives to live the full quota of their time. In fact that was my feeling and the reason for my mood swing was the apparent meaninglessness of the idea of family. If the old men and women are resigned to their fate because of the neglect, if not abandonment of their children why should a man raise a family and sacrifice his youth and energy to shape up the future of his children? Later at dinner time, however, I was reconciled to the reality of modern living. My hostess gave me the most pragmatic and acceptable argument : let the children live their  own life. Why should we depend on them and why should they sacrifice their future prospects to take care of us? We repaid our debt to our parents by rearing them up and giving them good and proper education, as far as practicable, to carve out their own lives as they pleased. Yes, I thought that’s it.

But is that all? A man and a woman marry, raise a family, beget children, lavish all their love on their upbringing, sacrifice their youth and comforts to give them proper education and finally marry them off and say goodbye?  And when they are old, their nerves fraught with memories of a lifetime they totter and wobble, they will move to an old age home and wait for their end. They will wait for the Mother’s day/ Father’s Day call from their children, talk about it to others and would feel redeemed! This may be true of the middle class and the moneyed people. But what about the poor, old, sick parents who wait for a letter or phone call and for some cheque or bank draft from their children? They are not in the old age homes. They continue to struggle in their small cottages or rented houses depending on the mercy of their children. And further down are the old men and women who spend their last few sad days in government shelter or charity homes. Their children like stray dogs have strayed into forlorn worlds of grey mists or fatalistic drums Lord knows where. Is life so cheap and man so expendable.

We have, however, to accept modern realities. Our opportunities have increased, mobility has increased and the avenues of life now are vast and varied.  The emotional bond which kept the family together is now fragile. Children in most families think that everyone must fend for himself or herself. Why should parents expect the support of their children? Some even argue you have no right to bring a life to the world if you cannot give the best available in the world and release him / her into the larger world to soar high according to the strength of their wings. Emotions have no role in life, what matters is the individuals’ preparedness to face the challenges of life. If Bill Gates or Ambanis are asked they may agree. But in some corner of their hearts a pricking sensation will throb for some time. Is it love, perhaps? But love does not matter, mutual tolerance at the level of the spouses or even countries or ideologies are more important than the romantic ideals of the past cultures.

Some would perhaps think of the Joint Family where of necessity, if not love, three generations lived together, hopefully, happily. Ashaparna Devi has shown both sides of life. But we have to admit that the individual entity today would like to create a separate world to rival God. If parents are old they are useless, fit for mercy, charity or what you will.

I think love and mercy are not yet dead. God in man is not yet dead. As far as practicable give the old your love and care:  For in the ultimate analysis that’s what man needs in the end.