She And I

Prafulla Kumar Mohanty

She and I have spent life's major years in Platonic togetherness - whatever it means. If by Platonic you understand  a spiritual bonding of unexpressed feelings, may be you  may not be wrong. This togetherness of course is a misnomer for we lived almost exiled from each other after a few moments of incomprehensible innuendo, that too in nonserious casualness. But I was serious, eager, honest and intense. My words which ought to have provoked a response perhaps fell flat or taken as light austerity not to be responded. But that was the end of a moment of togetherness and the beginning  of a spiritual agony for which I could not find any self transcending elixir. We parted ways. Our addresses were lost to each other and presences were almost banal even in memory flashes. But I loved her every moment and she expressed her admiration whenever I became a subject in a conversation. If I call this Platonic togetherness I hope my onesidedness will be appreciated.

But time brought us together, that is we met very late in life again casually . We were not sights, only sounds over that wonderful machine, the cell phone, when she made a formal wish on a New Year's Day. I made that call an SOS and poured my swelling oceans in controlled flow lest it drowned her. She took a very long time to sift the dross  and salinity to savour the sweetness. Our sounds became songs and songs became sights and  a real spiritual sweetness  made me a sober seeker of love without any togetherness. We met hardly for a  minute in a year, two four times but I was more than the eager Sun to rise early and set late lavishing all my light and heat  on her. She never bathed in the light nor singed in the heat but her petals opened up everyday. At night too some petals spread their drooping scent to keep  me awake although she never had any measure of it.

One day we met, I don't know whether in dream or in reality but I remember what happened if that is a happening. We were in a  SUV sitting close together- I do not remember what she wore, a dress or saree and don't remember whether her hair was open or tied into a bun. But she breathed and I sighed. We stopped at a green coconut vendor. I asked the driver to bring two coconuts. I drank mine through a pipe of straw, she just held the straw in her mouth and perhaps stopped sucking after a sip but held it in her hand. After I finished mine and threw the coconut on the roadside, she just placed hers  on the floor board. I lifted  it up and drank it using the same straw which she had kissed.

She grimaced, I pretended not to notice. Then we  alighted and I led her to a Mall- I forget the name. When we moved together into the shop or Mall whatever, everyone looked at us. The salesgirls and the boys gave us an admiring welcome as though we were royalty or a celebrity couple. She was not herself, I was not myself but both were  real as though in a film set before the rolling camera eyes of the sales persons. The other customers all looked at us as if we were the most admirable couple on a very late honeymoon. I asked her to select something and she eyed back telling me to do that for her. A plumpy, laughy salesgirl brought a stack of dress and spread them over the counter. I said, choose and she buried her eyes into the display. I picked up two, she rejected. She picked up two and I rejected. The girl showed us one bright beautiful flowing dress without frills, she had no thrills. Then I said, well then, let's go. And she readily got up from the stool. My eyes fell on  a ruby studded pink dress on a mannequin, and I asked the sales girl to take it out. She did. I looked  at her, her eyes widened. She looked at the price tag and I said pack it for us. An elderly man, maybe the shop owner brought two beautiful sarees. I just gave it a glance and asked him to pack them. Both? Yes I said. I gave my card and she held the packet looking more confident .

When we came to the street many eyes  scrutinized us whether we were real and from this planet. She was annoyed and I was amused. I asked her to enter another shop for cosmetics. She all on a sudden held my left hand and almost dragged me towards the car. The passersby stared at us.  We sat in the car and the car moved. Now let's go to some swanky place and have lunch. I am not hungry she said. Me neither I chimed. But let's eat together  for the first time. I'll feed you, you will feed me and life will be drained out. She smiled this time  and said, no I'll feed you what I have cooked for you during the blank years. Come let's go home. Home! Where? It's not on the surface of the earth. Not brick and  mortar, mud and wattle, it's a Faith house a faith which I repose on my unconfessed love and I'll feed you love which will satiate your  hunger till time's end. I laughed aloud. No thanks my hunger is  My faith , don't break it.