A Visit To Jagannath

Prafulla Kumar Mohanty

With great fanfare last Sunday I visited, rather started with reluctant enthusiasm to go to Puri to pay obeisance to Jagannath, the deity of deities. Reluctant because I had to rise early to catch a glimpse of Jagannath when hopefully there will be less crowd and the April sun would be less unkindly. My family’s desire was the chief motivator. The car was fast, the driver my son was alert, the journey was smooth. There was a floating cloud cover shading the Sun’s eyes, the breeze was somewhat cool and I thought by the time the Sun fully focuses on us we may have completed our Jagannath darshan. We parked the car and boarded the temple service bus and got down about a less than one km distance from the lion’s gate. I did not wait for the other members of my family nor did they tell me to wait. I walked fast without gallivanting and reached the shoe stand. I looked back to see the four other members of my family. I knew my wife was slow moving and my son , daughter-in –law and Grand daughter must have been slowed down to cover the distance. I waited with all the patience at my command which is nothing to write home about. Minutes ticked by. I saw the movement of people, observed an old couple smiling at something, some rickshaw drivers heckling non- odia tourists and waited. Fifteen minutes passed. My patience which is always thin began to reduce to airy nothing. I wondered whether I am at the right shoe stand. Yes, normally when we come to visit the temple we keep our shoes here. But other stands have come up and who knows where they went! I moved up and down the space adjacent to the barricades and felt my pocket for the phone. No all our phones were kept in the car dash board as mobile phones are not allowed inside. I was out of my wits. I must have waited for more than 45 minutes. What happened? Have they ignored me or assumed since I came ahead I must have gone inside. I thought of entering the temple alone and went back to the shoe stands which were crowded and noisy by then. My enthusiasm was deflated. I must now stand in the queue, deposit my shoes and go to the other end to walk through the water blocks and enter the barricaded slow moving crowd. O’ God why do you cause such problems for the impatient specimens like me!

I returned to the spot where I was waiting earlier. If I go now it is not possible to see them in the crowd. And when they go back to the car after their darshan and do not see me they would certainly panic. I then decided to return to the car park. Ok Lord God; I came to pay my respects and to appeal to you for... for what? For having a full life lived with half involvement, half certainties! Or what? Normally my prayer is “God be happy with us. We mortals will never learn the full meaning of life. Take care of the half lived half.” I repeated it looking at the temple and marched the whole distance to the car park, compensating for the morning walk which I had missed.

While walking back I thought: they say unless Jagannath calls you, you can never see him. Well, I came without his call perhaps; but the gates of God’s abode are always open for all people. The devotee, the agnostic, the sick and even egoist. I am not an egoist nor a devotee or an agnostic. May be I am a Free Thinker with an open mind. But should I be punished for having returned from the gates? If you did not want me I wouldn’t have started. And when I was there you caused circumstances bordering on tragicomedy. I consoled myself and paid my respects to the Lord while walking back.

I waited near the car. My family came sullen sulky and sultry. The rest was a mood swing from angry exchange to a compromise of silence.

As scheduled we went to the seashore. I sat in a beach chair looking at the sea. The waves were in a pleasant mood. The foam was silvery. The roar was a proud declaration of superiority. I silently brooded, eyes closed, on the best half of my life which like Jagannath never invites nor repels but the result is a big zero, a large cipher which I have drawn with meticulous attention.

Then we had a good lunch at Lee Gardens and rode back. All the way home I was thinking was it my pride or God’s insolence which made the zero luminous with illusory lights of love’s indulgence.